If you’re looking for biblical teaching on sexual intimacy in marriage, or if you’re looking for help in fighting against the idolatry of sex in your own life, then this should be a great conference.  Jim Newheiser comes up each year to help us train men to counsel; he is wise and biblical.  This should be a great one-day conference!  Here’s more info from their website:

Our sex-saturated culture has taken sexuality from a blessing given by God and made it into an idol to be worshipped and distorted.  Christians experience the results of this transformation in many ways, and believers often feel unequipped to deal with these challenges in their own lives, or in the lives of others.  In this one-day seminar, we will be developing a biblical understanding of sexuality, as well as examining specific topics on how to counsel those struggling with pornography, homosexuality, and lack of intimacy in marriage.  Come learn how the grace of God in the gospel powerfully changes how we view our own sexuality and gives us the power to once again put this blessing in its proper place.

Register online

Schedule, March 3:

DISCLAIMER #1
This is written for those at FBC.  I write out of pastoral concern as I see and hear discussion of the upcoming ‘Real Marriage’ conferences that are happening nearby.

DISCLAIMER #2
This is long; I don’t like long.  Forgive me, but it seems necessary in this case.

Why I’m Writing This

If you know me, you know that I take Php 1:15-18 seriously.  I strive to rejoice whenever the gospel is preached.  If I have concerns about motives or secondary messages, I can still rejoice that they preach the gospel.  I want to be defined by what I’m for, rather than what I’m against.  I want FBC to be known for truth and grace, rather than identified by what we oppose.

With that frame of mind, I agonized for a time regarding whether to write about ‘Real Marriage.’  In the past, I have heard Mark Driscoll be a strong advocate for the biblical gospel and not back down from core truths about Christ, the atonement and a salvation that radically transforms your life.  Additionally, he is a strong complementarian – he passionately, provokingly argues for men and women to fulfill and live out their biblical roles.  Even though many amazingly solid, biblical, practical, helpful marriage books have been published, Driscoll often speaks in such a way that challenges how you think about life and truth.  He can make a Christian consider something ‘old’ in a completely new way.  I don’t always agree with what he says, but I appreciate his passion for Christ to be manifest in men and women.

Though I’m always reading books, I rarely offer a public review of a book.  I would not publicly write about Real Marriage if I were not seeing on Facebook and hearing on Sundays about people who are planning to attend the conference from which this book is based.  So I am compelled to speak out of pastoral concern for those whom I love.

What I Think About the Book

The book has some real strengths.  Its good on roles.  Its good on friendship.  Its good on abuse and the dangers of pornography.  Its pretty good on conflict resolution.  Mark and Grace are transparent in a helpful but not dramatic way.  But, as Doug Wilson has said, the issues that bring concern are “like finding a caterpillar in your salad.  The fact that the overwhelming majority of the salad is still perfectly fine does not serve to allay your concerns. You still have words with the waiter.”

With FBC in mind, here are the main concerns that I have for our flock in regards to this book:

1) Real Marriage is NOT for those who got married with little-to-no sexual background or experiences prior to marriage, and who have remained unaffected by pornography.

The title of the book is, Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together.  Listing sex first is appropriate.  Do not think that you are picking up a marriage book; you are picking up a book that devotes 5 of 11 chapters to sex.  The tone and topics are not focused on maintaining romantic love and intimacy over years of marriage.  Rather the topics include pornography, sexual abuse, selfishness in sex, and a quite explicit interpretation of the Song of Solomon.  Additionally, you will find the Driscoll’s answers to questions about masturbation, what is & isn’t sodomy, sex toys, cybersex, plastic surgery and more.   [SPOILER ALERT]  In the end, the Driscolls say that most everything is permissible if both of you are willing and not enslaved.  They don’t advocate everything, but neither do they have a problem with much.

If the consumption of pornography is not a part of your marriage, then much of what’s written in the second half of the book is not healthy for you.  If you and your spouse have a good sex life now, then the counsel and explorations in Real Marriage have great potential to cause problems rather than enhancement.  Do you need to explore the paths of sin in order to be wise about sin?

We are to cling to what is pure and holy (1 Pet 1:14-16).  Scripture calls us to live different than unbelievers, even in our sexual relations (1 Thess 4:5, 4:7, Eph 4:17).  Why would I have couples give extended consideration to plastic surgery, cybersex or sex toys when they do not think on or desire them to begin with?  Some of what’s written has great potential to raise discontent and bring impure thoughts.  As Christians, we are called to think on what is true, lovely & admirable, taking our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ (Php 4:8, 2 Cor 10:5).  If pornography or other aspects of your past have caused things like role-playing and sex toys to become an issue in your marriage and sex life, then you should work to address those issues.  But why would you invite them into your or your spouse’s heart when the issue didn’t previously exist?!

2) The Driscoll’s story, from the beginning to the eventual restoration of their marriage, is staked on claims of direct revelation from God.

The Driscolls do an admirable job of telling their story and there are many displays of God’s grace and kindness to them.  Yet, were it not for ongoing direct revelation from God, there would be no marriage nor would it remain intact.  As Mark has shared before, he believes that God spoke directly to him, telling him to marry Grace, preach the Bible, train men and plant churches (8, 12).  This was while he and Grace were having premarital sex, which eventually stopped prior to their actual wedding (8-9).  After much pain and bitterness, Mark’s heart began to soften when God again spoke directly to him, telling him of his priority and need in Grace’s life (15).  Later, God would directly tell Grace what to say to Mark that would break through the hardness that existed in their relationship (25).

If you are a part of FBC, you know that our church is cessationist and are at theological odds with ongoing, direct revelation from God.  We believe that God speaks through His Word and that His Spirit leads us.  We do not see any evidence that God speaks directly to all Christians at ANY time in biblical history, and especially today as we have the complete faith, once for all revealed in Scripture, in our hands.  We understand God’s perfect will for our lives as we study and know the Bible, and as the Spirit enables us to apply those principles to our lives.

Our conviction of how we learn and apply God’s will today is completely contrary to the Driscoll’s story.  The landmarks of change in their marriage are marked by occasions of direct revelation.  If true, what they ultimately required, and what each marriage will sometimes require, is for God to speak directly to the husband and wife, telling them what they need to do. This is at odds with the authority and sufficiency of the Word of God. Hasn’t He already granted to us everything necessary for life and godliness? (2 Pet 1:3)

Even more concerning to me is the dream that Mark had in which “I saw in painful detail Grace sinning sexually during a senior trip she took after high school when we had just started dating.  It was so clear that it was like watching a film—something I cannot really explain but the kind of revelation I sometimes receive.” Mark does not explicitly say that this dream was from God, though he implies it in context and by the assertion that these revelations are ongoing during his pastoral ministry.

Throughout biblical history, Abimelech, Jacob, Laban, Joseph, Solomon, Nebuchadnezzar, Daniel and Joseph (husband of Mary) are on record as receiving dreams from God.  In the dreams of Abimilech, Laban, Solomon and Joseph, they saw and heard from God or the Angel of the Lord directly.  So that leaves us with four men in Scripture who had dream-like dreams from God.  The receiving of dreams and their interpretation are not listed as gifts in 1 Cor 12, Rom 12 or Eph 4.

To be clear, NO dream (or vision) from God that’s recorded in Scripture is so lurid and full of sin as Mark’s.  Is it possible that these dreams were from God?  Not likely.  Hebrews 1:1-2 further closes the door on that possibility.  “God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things.”

3) Real Marriage offers an inadequate grid for evaluating issues that aren’t explicitly addressed by God’s Word.

When considering things that the Bible doesn’t explicitly address, we must examine it in light of what we do know from the Word.  In chapter 10, in fielding questions about sex, Driscoll employs a problematic three-part grid to analyze the issue.  He asks (1) is it lawful?, (2) is it helpful?, and (3) is it enslaving?

As Denny Burk argues, the context of 1 Cor 6:12 is violated when used in this manner.  Paul is not advocating the belief that all things are lawful unless explicitly condemned.  In fact, 1 Corinthians 8-10 argues that our liberties in Christ are to be subjugated for the spiritual welfare of others.  Doug Wilson adds that Driscoll’s three questions are reductionistic in a way that creates other problems. As an example:

Many Christians are against breast implants, because, the reasoning goes, we shouldn’t be playing God. But a lot of these same Christians have no trouble “playing God” by getting braces for teeth of those same daughters in question. They are messing around with what God gave them there as well, right? So that can’t be the principle — don’t play God with breast size, but straightening the teeth are fine. Or, if it is the principle, we are all on way to becoming black bumper Mennonites. But the fact that (as stated) the principle is insufficient does not mean that there are no principles that apply. But it does mean that we have to gird up the loins of our minds.

The two key failures of this “Can We ____?” chapter are that (a) the heart issue, and (b) the glory of God, are almost completely neglected in the conversation.  To follow through with the above example of breast implants and teeth straightening, the key question is, “why?”  Why do you need to feel more attractive?  What is driving your heart’s desire to be physically altered?  Similarly, will your decision for larger breasts or straighter teeth (or cybersex and sex toys, for that matter) promote the glory of God in your relationship?  Will it cause you to draw closer to God?  Or is this something you want to do for selfish reasons, to promote your own glory?  Will it help others know God more intimately?  Will it lead your spouse, your friends and/or your own heart to more strongly worship and enjoy God?  Or are you falling more in love with creation rather than the Creator?

When evaluating questions like these, we have to grapple with our heart motivation for why we want to do them.  Have we truly embraced 1 Cor 10:31?  “So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

4) Stats and sociology receive greater attention than the Bible and the Gospel.

Throughout the book, and especially when dealing with sex, statistics are used to strengthen and weight argumentation.  Psychological research, polling studies, and sociological work are the primary tools used to argue for the failure of men and women in their roles and their marriages.  (Assuming Susan Bauer did her homework, the sociologist W. Bradford Wilcox is footnoted more often than any other source.)  Scripture passages are typically footnotes, providing the support for the counsel being provided.   For example, in a sixteen page chapter on pornography, six pages speak about Scripture, while at least ten have reference to psychology and sociology.  Simply based on volume, Scripture is given lighter treatment and less relied upon.

Please don’t misunderstand me.  Scripture and the Gospel both receive ongoing and regular reference in Real Marriage.  But there is not any in-depth explanation of the Gospel and its place in friendship, conflict, or sex.  Likewise, foundational passages from Genesis (i.e., 1:27, 2:18, and 2:24) receive little-to-no treatment.  Ephesians 5 is said to be “perhaps the clearest section of the Bible on the role of husbands to lead their families and wives to respectfully submit to them” (64).  Yet in the chapters on men’s and women’s roles, there is only a single paragraph in each that considers its import and significance.

Real Marriage has some wise and practical counsel that is rooted in Scripture, but it is often explained and justified on the basis of experience and sociology.  If we believe that God changes people by means of the Word of God, then the connection between biblical truth and life application should be more explicit.  In his book on doctrine, Driscoll argues for the sufficiency and authority of the Word, but Real Marriage does not strongly convey that belief.

My Recommendation

I don’t think that reading Real Marriage will send you to hell. I think that there are some good principles in it. But, as stated before, finding a caterpillar in your salad tends to taint the whole thing. I recognize that there will be some marriages that are helped by some of what the Driscolls have written. But I will not be recommending this book to others. I would not prompt young but spiritually healthy couples to consider topics such as sex toys, breast implants, cybersex, etc. It invites the opportunity for discontentment and impure thoughts in areas that were not previously a struggle.

I will recommend other solid marriage books that prompt you to evaluate issues through a biblical grid. There are better books available that will prompt life change based on conviction and applications from Scripture, rather than by direct revelation from God and muddy decision-making.

Should You Attend the Conference?

If you were to ask me this, I’d respond with “Why do you want to go?” If you read the above, you know the major issues with the book. So why do you want to go? What’s your goal in going?

• You say, I like Driscoll and want to hear him live.
  » Watch YouTube.
• You say, I want help with our marriage.
  » I would plead with you to reconsider if this book is where you want to seek counsel. If you already bought tickets & can get a refund, use the money to buy a solid marriage book (some suggestions below) and then spend the conference day on a long date, reading and talking together.
• You say, one/both of us has a lot of questions about sex and what’s permissible.
  » Then get CJ Mahaney’s book listed below. Read and apply it. Past abuse? Get the Holcomb’s book and read through that together. Fighting porn? Get Tim Challies’ book.
• You say, I don’t care what you think we’re going anyway?!
  » Why are you still reading then? Could it be that you are simply looking for someone to approve your choice? At least read the book before you head to the conference.

Consider that Christ desires you to be cleansed “by the washing of the water with the Word,” appearing before him “without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that (you) might be holy and without blemish” (Eph 5:26-27).

Better Marriage Books

Here’s some marriage books I’d recommend instead:

General, Big-Picture

When Sinners Say I Do « Dave Harvey
Love That Lasts « Gary Ricucci
The Meaning of Marriage « Tim Keller

Issue-Specific

Sex, Romance and the Glory of God « CJ Mahaney   (sex & friendship)
Rid of My Disgrace « Justin Holcomb   (sexual assault/abuse)
The Peacemaker « Ken Sande   (conflict resolution)
Your Family, God’s Way « Wayne Mack   (communication)
The Complete Husband « Lou Priolo   (role of husband)
Feminine Appeal « Carolyn Mahaney   (role of wife)
The Treasure Principle « Randy Alcorn   (money)

What Others Have Said

There is a general consensus that the book is a mix of good and bad. The diversity mainly exists on whether the good outweighs the bad. Most reviewers seem to express similar concerns, even when coming from pretty different camps.

Tim Challies (Canadian pastor) » “Would I want to read it with my wife or would I encourage her to read it on her own? Would I recommend it to the people in my church? In both cases the answer is no. This is not to say that the book is entirely without merit; Real Marriage does have things to commend it. But in my assessment the negatives far outweigh the positives. Its disjointed nature, the way it is unhinged from the gospel, the way it evaluates sexual acts through an improper grid—in all these ways and more it inadvertently lowers marriage rather than elevates it. With so many good books on marriage available to us, I see no reason to recommend this one.”

Denny Burk (Boyce College) » “At the end of the day however, the shortcomings I have identified above keep me from giving Real Marriage an unqualified endorsement. Indeed the theological and pastoral errors of chapter 10 alone are weighty, and they are the primary reason that I would not recommend this book for marriage counseling. There are other books that have many of the strengths of Real Marriage without all the weaknesses.”

Aaron Armstrong (Gospel Coalition) » “For some readers, Real Marriage will be a challenge, either because of the frank talk about sex or the Driscolls’ traditional view of marriage. Every reader is going to take away something different—I know many who will be deeply offended by the questions of what is acceptable sexual practice, and I know others who will welcome their approach. One can always choose to ignore chapter 10 (and perhaps many should), but you would be wrong to write off the entire book. The objective good far outweighs the questionable content. Read the book carefully and with discernment.”

Eliza Jane Huie (Sovereign Grace, NANC counselor) » “As a woman there were times I felt the delivery of some of the content was bordering on crude. As a wife I am not going to pass this one on to my husband although I read many parts to him to get his thoughts. They raised similar concerns in him. As a mother of teen children (who read this blog) I will not be leaving this book around on the coffee table. As a Christian I greatly appreciate the Driscolls’ integrity to the gospel and I respect their willingness to be so honest with their struggle. I have misgivings about some of their interpretation of Scripture as well as the use of their influence to speak so unashamedly to things that just might fall under things too “shameful even to mention”.”

Doug Wilson (Reformed) » Wilson’s articles lucidly describe some of the danger with the Driscolls’ evaluative grid. Of particular note are the last three, each of which is worth reading in full.

• Some Preliminary Thoughts on Real Marriage
• Preliminary Thoughts on Real Marriage, part dos
• Sexual Dirt and a Gospel Backhoe
• Dinner for Two at Angelos
• Sexual Obedience Outside Scripture

Other Reviewers » Yes, I know there are more reviews out there. I debated on including them. I decided that the above was a sufficient representative sampling.

The term Madison Avenue is used metonymically to describe the advertising industry in America.  If there is one thing Madison Avenue understands, it is how to get the proverbial chocolate cake in front of consumers.

1 John 2:15-16 says, “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.”  The ESV translates “boastful pride of life” to “pride in possessions.”  The phrase has the idea of arrogance over one’s circumstances, which produces haughtiness or exaggeration, parading what one possesses to impress other people.

“The world,” as John calls it, is the spiritual system of evil dominated by Satan.  All that it has to offer is in opposition to God.  Worldliness covets the esteem and praise of people.  It wants popularity and weighs success by numbers.

When I was a boy growing up in the 1950s and 1960s, there were far fewer conduits to worldliness than there are in the 21st century.  C.J. Mahaney says that Christians in America don’t risk martyrdom, but we do risk seduction.

God reminds us in Jeremiah 17:9 that our hearts are idol factories.  If we call ourselves Christians and view the world as High Definition and the church as 1950s black-and-white TV, we either need a heart transplant or some major surgery to relieve the blockage.

Though it dazzles, the world has the seeds of deterioration and destruction.  Next blog, we’ll take a look at the failure of so many of the world’s systems.  We’ll discuss how those failures may have changed our personal economies, because our expectations were so dependent on their success.

The request was too sincere and heartfelt to turn down. It came after the Bible story while I was teaching FBC’s preschoolers, and before I closed us in prayer, I let one of the four-year-old boys pray. “Dear Jesus, thank you for Christmas,” he started, then his voice trailed off into mumbles. Our story wasn’t about Christmas; it was about God feeding the Israelites in the desert. One of the three-year-old boys begged to go next, and he began, “Dear God, I hope you have a great day today…” More unintelligible mumbling.

While many would smile (me included) at the prayers of preschoolers, the sermon from Mike Fabarez on Sunday on Romans 8:26-27 made me question how different my own prayer life is from that of the two boys in Sunday school. When life hurts, what do my prayers reveal about my theology? Of course, I have more depth and perspective than three- and four-year-olds…right?

Maybe not. In fact, while my preschoolers often pray for others in their lives (mom, dad, grandma, the dog, etc.), my prayers can be quite self-centered and were even more so a few years ago. I suffered from what Mike called “toddler theology,” wanting out of all difficult situations and praying only that they would end and nothing else.

I learned the error of my ways through a common means, a situation that was not solved quickly or the way I wanted. Through studying God’s Word and learning more about His character, I began to see just how large my “prayer blind spots” were.

And then there was the deeper, heart question: did I really want God’s will, or just my way? Months and months of praying for the same situation helped me move from simply saying, “yet not my will but YOURS be done,” to actually meaning those words with my whole heart.

Thankfully, the Spirit of God intercedes according to God’s will, even when we are blind to it. This truth has changed the way I pray both for myself and for others. Of course, I will pray for pain to cease, but when it doesn’t, I pray for God’s strength to walk faithfully, bring Him glory through it and view it as a sanctifying blessing to make me or fellow believers more like His Son. And for unbelievers, I pray that the pain brings them to a saving knowledge of Him.

Perhaps when life hurts, we can take a cue from one of FBC’s preschoolers and say, “Thank you for Christmas. Thank you that You sent Your Son to earth to pay the penalty for my sins, and that Christ’s life, death and resurrection lets me see that my ‘momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison…’ (2 Corinthians 4:17). Amen.”

First Hour Classes (8:30 a.m.):

A Praying Life – Continues- The difficulty of coming to God just as we are is that we are messy. And prayer makes it worse. When we slow down to pray, we are immediately confronted with how unspiritual we are, with how difficult it is to concentrate on God. Taught by Terry Schleiger and Gay Bennett.

New Testament Survey - An interactive overview of the whole New Testament. Study with us as we look at the history leading up to the New Testament period, the themes structure and key verses in each New Testament book, finishing the story of God’s redemption. Note: this class will be taught in to four-week segments. Taught by Chris Eich.

Second Hour Classes (10:15 a.m.):

Apologetics: Biblical Answers to Tough Questions- Christians often face tough questions when evangelizing the lost. This four-week course seeks to equip believers with biblical answers to these tough questions: 1. Why should I believe Christianity is different from other world religions? 2. How can a loving God send anyone to hell? 3. Doesn’t science contradict the Bible? 4. How old is the universe and why does it matter? Taught by Pat Perez.

Way of the Master Beginners Class- Do you have fears and concerns when sharing your faith? Come, get equipped and attend an eight-week evangelism basic training course and learn the basic principles how you can share you faith simply, effectively and biblically. This is accomplished primarily by addressing the person’s conscience (the place of knowledge of right and wrong), rather than the intellect (the place of argument). These basic principles are ease to learn, and the benefits will be very evident as you get into this course. You will never again need to feel intimidated by intellectuals, atheist, or the religious self-righteous. All you need is the desire to obey God and fulfill the Great Commission all for His glory. You will soon discover there is no greater joy that to do God’s will—seeking to save what is lost! Taught by Dojo Aguilar and friends.

So…What are you waiting for? Sign up for one by contacting Wayne Schleiger today (wtbt9@earthlink.net ) or sign up on Sunday!

Ps 19:1 ~ The heavens are telling the glory of God and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

Rom 1:20 ~ For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

I highly advise watching in High-Def (click the HD button) and full screen (click the four arrows next to the HD). My favorite part begins around 2:25.

Yosemite HD from Project Yosemite on Vimeo.

Psalm 8
¹ O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
² Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.
³ When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
⁴ what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
⁵ Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.
⁶ You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
you have put all things under his feet,
⁷ all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field,
⁸ the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,
whatever passes along the paths of the seas.
⁹ O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Plug covers on all outlets? Check.

Cleaning supplies in a locked cabinet out of reach? Check.

Fire extinguisher readily accessible but out of reach of children? Check. (Interestingly enough, “out of reach of children” often means “out of reach of Julie” as well.)

Knives and other sharp objects locked away? Check.

The more I looked at the list of what the home visit required, the more items I added to the to-do list. In a way, that is kind of the way sin is for a believer. On Sunday, Scott Ardavanis spoke on 1 John 1:8-9. Anyone who has been a believer for even a short period of time knows that spiritual maturity doesn’t bring an increasing sense of getting it “right” with God. Instead, maturing spiritually has the opposite effect, making the believer more and more aware of areas that do not conform to God’s character and commands.

Scott had an interesting comment on this phenomenon and said that seeing more and more of our sin is a means of assurance of our salvation. I would have to agree wholeheartedly. Just like focusing on the home visit checklist made me aware of what in our home needed to change, the more I know of God, His character and His Word, the more I see areas of sin in my life that God graciously wants to conform to the image of His Son.

In the final preparations for our home visit, I earnestly prayed that God would give me an eye for detail to see any areas that needed my attention that had escaped my notice before. My desire is to have this same heart toward my sin. I desperately want God to reveal any and all areas of hidden sin, so that He can then work on my heart.

Our house was as perfect as it will ever be for our home visit, which is where the comparison to my heart ends. I will never be perfect this side of heaven, but I am thankful that God does not tire in continuing to “sin-proof” my heart.  Will you allow God to examine every corner of your heart?

But, that is not it. In a word, the reason we have RMGs is “discipleship.”

That is where the bulk of the time is actually spent and everything else before and after is to enhance that time. We are interested in purposeful discipleship that holds one another accountable to growth in Christ in word and deed.

Talking about our faith is easy, but living it out is another thing altogether. That is where the discipleship comes into play. The accountability it offers allows those who are serious about God in their lives the opportunity to rely on other brothers and sisters for help.

The RMG’s are a practical example of us as the Body living out 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up …”; and Hebrews 10:24, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works …”

This past week, in our RMG, as we sat in our discipleship group, I looked around the room I saw a group of men sharing in the endeavor to meet the commands in Thessalonians and Hebrews. We were having real conversations about our faith, our lives, and our sin. We could trust one another, and we could ask one another hard questions and, through that, challenge one another to live more Christ-like lives.

I left not only encouraged, but feeling that my faith had been anchored a little more deeply. It was a good feeling. Not an emotional “high, but a truer sense of joy.

If you are serious about real growth, you need discipleship, and you need the Body. That is the way God designed it. If you have not found an RMG, find one! That is the way FBC is working to meet God’s design.

After Jesus’s ascension, in the early days of the Church, we see His people giving generously.  There is that amazing passage in chapter 2 of Acts: “And they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need.”   Chapter 4 again talks about the giving and generosity, and says that there wasn’t a person in need; everyone gave, and those who had need received.

The Apostle Paul in his letters presents both general and specific guidelines for giving.  For example in 2 Corinthians 9:6-7, we find a believer’s right response to an expectation for giving:  “Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.  Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”

In 1 Corinthians 16:1-2, Paul directs a systematic plan for giving.  “Now concerning the collection for the saints, as I directed the churches of Galatia, so do you also.  On the first day of every week each one of you is to put aside and save, as he may prosper, so that no collections be made when I come.”

Finally, Paul gives the three specific elements of giving in 2 Corinthians 8:3:  “For I testify that according to their ability, and beyond their ability, they gave of their own accord.”

1)      “According to their ability.”  Giving is proportionate.  God sets no fixed amount or percentage, and expects His people to give based on what they have (Luke 6:38; 1 Cor. 16:2); [Note:  If I generate $100,000 per year in income, but only give $1,000 per year for the furthering of God’s work, is that proportional?]

2)      “Beyond their ability.”  Giving is sacrificial.  God’s people are to give according to what they have, yet it must be in proportions that are sacrificial (Matt. 6:25-34; Mark 12:41-44; Phil. 4:19). [Note:  See above example; is this sacrificial?]

3)      “Their own accord”—literally, “one who chooses his own course of action.”  Giving is voluntary—God’s people are not to give of compulsion, manipulation, or intimidation.  Freewill giving has always been God’s plan (2 Cor. 9:6; Gen. 4:2-4, 8:20; Ex. 25:1-2; Deut. 16:10, 17: 1; Chron. 29:9; Prov. 3:9-10; Luke 19:1-8).  [Note:  What if someone in church leadership tells me I am not spiritual, saved or able to be a member of the church if I don’t give a specific amount per a specific period?]

There are many other places we could go beyond these few passages, but the Old and New Testaments clearly teach and model giving.  Giving is also one of the themes of the New Testament epistles—giving because the Lord has given to us and giving as the Lord has given to us.  So our giving is to be free.  Even though we are told to give, we are to give freely, and not under compulsion.  We are to give cheerfully.  That verse wraps up with saying, “God loves a cheerful giver.”