Unfortunately each partner’s spending and borrowing habits are rarely given more than a cursory discussion during the engagement term.  Even less time is devoted to learning about how each other’s personal financial habits were shaped.  These topics are usually relegated to sometime well after the wedding ceremony.  Tragically, how to handle the money is often the most difficult issue that partners will encounter in their marriage, and statistics show that serious disagreement in this area has a hand in 85% of all divorces.

It’s not unusual for married partners to have contrasting money personalities (saver vs. spender, risk-taker vs. security-seeker).  Add this to the distinct financial habits you each bring to the relationship, and there exists a mixture for some potentially explosive relational issues.  Since each partner in the relationship likely possesses a personal perception and family experiences that are different from the other, with respect to the managing of wealth, it’s imperative that you devote a great deal of time to understanding each other.

God meets us where we are right now today.  He can change our hearts, and give us a new perspective to be better stewards of His wealth.  If you have never addressed this issue in a biblical manner, the best place to begin is with confession to one another followed by prayer.  James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”  [Note:  This is likely not a one-time event, and could take a great deal of grace, transparency and prayer.]

Some of the Things you can’t do in Heaven

1) Evangelize

Rev 21:8 - But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.

Yes, it’s true. You will not have the opportunity to share your faith in heaven. It is one of the core reasons why God left you here.  There is a time for witnessing to the lost and that time is now.  In heaven, your chances are gone.  In heaven, you will not regret having not shared your faith more. But, you may not have the same reward in heaven as someone who did obey God in this way.

2) Rebel against God

Rev 21:27 – nothing unclean, and no one who practices abomination and lying, shall ever come into it, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life

You struggle against sin now? In heaven, there will be no sin.  I hate the struggle against sin that I feel day to day.  Though no longer enslaved, we are in the fight right now. I cannot wait for the freedom from temptation and influences and snares of sin, though I can barely imagine a life of that sort.  There will not be one rebel in heaven, though heaven will be filled with forgiven and transformed rebels.  All who are in heaven will be happy to submit to God as their Lord.

3) Grieve

Rev 21:4 – and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; … there will no longer be mourning, or crying, or pain

 There is much to grieve over in this life.  We experience loss – of possessions, of loved ones, of health, even of our own intellect and sanity.  As I listened to comedians discuss their craft last week, they argued that comedy is a coping mechanism for the pain of life.  We grieve over the pain that others inflict upon us and that we inflict upon ourselves.  As King David would say, “when I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long” (Ps 32:3).  In heaven, the pain of life is over – the grief we experience will have come to an end.  There will be a day when tears will cease to flow and the darkness that cloaks your heart will never return.

4) Get Married

Matt 22:30 – For in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church, designed by God prior to the Fall and declared very good. Yet, according to Jesus, there will no getting married in heaven. What will happen to our existing marriages? The answer is implied, though not explicit. If you can, picture the best marriage relationship you’ve known — the raw enthusiasm of newlyweds combined with the intimate familiarity of an aged couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. The enthusiastic, sweet fellowship they share will exist among all believers in heaven. The reason is NOT simply that the effects of the Fall will be finished. The reason is that their love will not be for one another, but for God. And this common shared love for the ONE will join them ALL together.

5) Have kids

Matt 22:30 – For in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage.

Though there’s little said outright in the Bible about this, multiple indicators lead me toward the conclusion that procreation is not a part of heaven. First, having kids was initially commanded in Genesis 1, in order to fill the earth with people who know and love God.  Though this went tragically awry after the Fall, the filling of the earth has been fairly accomplished.  Second, marriage occurs on earth to provide us a picture of Christ and the Church.  Vow and intimate relations constitute a marriage.  For now, Christ and the believer have made vows to one another.  In heaven, the consummation of that relationship is completed and we no longer need a picture of something we now experience firsthand.  Third, in God’s revealed Word, he only encourages sexual union and procreation (having kids) as something for those who’re married.  As marriage has ceased in heaven (see above #4), so it appears that procreation would also.  In fact, the joy of that sexual union appears to be given to us as a picture of the even greater joy that will come at the point when we’re united to Christ in heaven.  (WOW!)

6) Be ignorant

1 Cor 13:12 - For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.

There are many things that I don’t know – about the world, about myself and about my God.  There is a time coming when my ignorance will cease.  My partial knowledge of God, and of myself, will end.  I will know Him more fully and will understand myself more fully as well.  To be clear, that we lack ignorance does not mean that we shall know everything.  Only God is omniscient.  In heaven, I don’t know how your knowledge of rocket science and jujitsu will improve, but I know that we shall know our God more fully.  In fact, we shall always and forever be learning more about our God!  As He is infinite, so there will be an infinite number of things to learn about Him and His ways.

7) Hunt and Kill Stuff

Gen 1:29 – Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you.

As much as I enjoy hunting and fishing, I see no evidence that those activities continue in heaven.  Death will cease (see #8).  In the Garden of Eden, before the Fall, animals were not given as food for man.  Death entered the world through sin and there is no evidence that animals died or were killed before the Fall, nor is there mention of their existence in heaven.  While I’m no vegetarian and I love me a ribeye, all the evidence points to the end of hunting and other activities that bring death to God’s creation.

Die

Rev 21:4 – and there will no longer be death

Death is more removed from us today than ever.  It happens in hospitals and homes, but the body is quickly covered and removed.  Rare is the body left in state for mourners or the open casket service.  We know that death awaits us, but reminders of its reality do not surround us as they used to. We tend to shun the Bible’s counsel to spend more time in a house of mourning than a house of feasting, so that we would give strong thought to the brevity and course of life (Eccl 7:2).  From your 20s, if not before, you have known that there will be a day when you will pass from this world (if the Lord doesn’t return first).  Praise God that there is only one death to undergo.  When you arrive in heaven, death will cease to be.  Christ has conquered it.  He has removed its sting already and, one day, it will be crushed completely (1 Cor 15:54-57).

9) Be distracted in worship

Rev 21:22 – I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb are its temple

How many times have you sat in a worship, during the preaching or the singing, and your mind is far away – thinking about something that happened earlier that morning, or giving thought to your afternoon plans.  In heaven, you will be free from distraction.  You will be in the presence of the Father and the Son.  There is nowhere else that you will desire to be.  As Romans 12:1 describes yielding our lives to God as an act of worship, so this act will be complete and undistracted in heaven.  You will not have something you’d rather be doing or somebody you’d rather be talking to.  You will be completely and utterly enamored with your Creator.

 - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - -

Amazing, isn’t it!  There is so much more to heaven than we often think about.  Spend some time giving praise to God for what is, and isn’t, in heaven!

Rev 22:20-21 – Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.  The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all.  Amen.

Tripp lays out four principles for his book as follows:

• God has a wonderful plan for our words that is far better than anything we could come up with on our own.
• Sin has radically altered our agenda for our words, resulting in much hurt, confusion and chaos.
• In Christ Jesus we find the grace that provides all that we need to speak as God has planned.
• The Bible plainly and simply teaches us how to get from where we are to where God wants us to be.

If that sounds a little like the gospel, it is! This book does a great job of showing how the gospel lived out will affect the words that we use. For most of us, our words tend to create a war. But communicating God’s way will end the war and bring peace, joy and encouragement to our various relationships. 

Every chapter has one or more passages from the Bible where Tripp has derived principles that apply to how we speak to others, whether it is our spouse, children, co-workers or friends. For example, in one chapter, “Citizens in Need of Help”, he uses Hebrews 3:12-15 to show how Christians tend to wander away from the Lord and need the help of other Christians to overcome the sin that has deceived us. He applies these verses to the Christian providing encouragement to those with whom we communicate. Great stuff! In the last chapter, he uses Ephesians 4 to show how we should choose our words when we need to speak to another person about an issue of concern.

If I had to choose one big lesson that was most helpful to me, it would be the fact that whenever we speak to others, we need to speak what he calls “redemptively intentional.” We have to have a purpose in our communication; we want to help the other person because we are acting as ambassadors for God, a principle that he applies from 2 Corinthians 5:11-21. We are speaking for the King! Do we not want to therefore give the right message in the right way? Our speech should be seeking to redeem people, not judge, criticize, attack or humiliate them.

War of Words is a book that every Christian needs to read and then put into practice. You will easily identify with the many practical examples he uses to illustrate the principles he is teaching. So many times I found myself thinking, “That’s exactly what happens!” You will find a ton of practical help that will change how you communicate with others.

But, about halfway there, I hit a snag. Road construction. I watched my 20 minutes slip away as I sat for 30 and ended up being late, something I hate. Needless to say, I was extremely frustrated and irritated. 

Why did I get so aggravated? Because I expected no delays; I expected a clear road; and I did not expect construction. You know what else I expected? I expected the battery in my car to be charged; the starter and alternator to be working; the engine to turn over; and my tires to be filled with air. In retrospect, there were a lot of expectations I had in order to make just one simple meeting in time.

How many more expectations do we have in our relationships, especially in marriage? If we are honest with ourselves, there are many – just take a minute to think about them. And, it is this that we discussed during our last RMG.

So, here is the bottom line, our relationships in marriage—or elsewhere—are with other sinners (Romans 3:23 and Romans 5:12), so why in the world do we expect them to do anything but sin? We should be expecting regular road construction delays along the road of life.

Don’t get me wrong, we should hold one another accountable, and we should approach our fellow believers with the Word in truth and love (2 Timothy 3:16); that is exactly what we should do, in the process of sanctification. But, we should not hold them to a false standard of perfection that, quite honestly, has everything to do what we think things should be like as opposed to how God has allowed them to be in His sovereignty.

If we treated our cars like we treat our relationships – an interesting parallel for some – we would never fill the gas tank, change the oil or check the fluids. We would just expect it to work without any effort at all, and some of us would even think it should automatically transform into a brand new model each year.

To help put things in perspective and to keep our feet grounded in reality, we should continually remind ourselves of our own sin and frailty. This has an automatic impact on our level of expectations – or at least it should. Who am I to expect anything from anyone when after I take a good long look in the mirror? I am more like a car with no battery, flat tires, leaking brakes and a cracked radiator.

When I am thinking to myself, “so-and-so should have done this or that” there should be a huge red warning light on my mental dashboard flashing “HYPOCRITE …  HYPOCRITE … HYPOCRITE.”

BUT, there is a place for expectations… we have a Lord and Savior who is perfect and has not sinned, and in Him we can expect to find love, hope, peace and joy. Although, incomprehensibly, He loves us for exactly who we are – desperately wicked sinners. He has no expectations for us because He already knows who we are and what we will do, and He wants us to have hope, peace and joy regardless.

In thinking about that this week, I found it to be the greatest of all ironies. The One who has every right to expect anything and everything from His creation expects nothing. In fact, He has to supply His people with even the ability to respond to Him. This week, thank God for the irony.

Ever since we found out that we are set to welcome a new life into our family, thousands of questions have been racing through my mind. Which car seat (carrier, stroller, bottle, pacifier, crib, bouncer, toys, diapers, bib, shampoo, lotion, etc.) is best? When should I take him out in public? Should I just let him cry sometimes or always comfort him? What if he doesn’t sleep enough? Or eat enough? What should we do about his shots? How will we both survive with chronic sleep deprivation? Will Andy drive slower with a baby in the car? (I kid… kind of)

All of that feels, well, complicated! As Robert went on, though, I began to see what he meant. No, raising children isn’t easy. In fact, it is inconceivably difficult. Where many people, myself included, get it wrong is by concentrating on questions like the list above instead of the ones that really matter.

The questions that I should be focusing on more are questions like these: Am I living every moment in complete dependence on the Spirit?  How can I show Christ to my children and those around me through my role as a parent? What sin issues of mine get in the way of glorifying God in all that I do, including parenting? As Robert said, am I living out the first five chapters of Ephesians before I focus on the call to children and parents in Ephesians 6:1-4?

Of course, I also need to take time to delve into God specific design for parents. Robert’s points on the commands of “honor,” “obey,” “do not provoke” and “bring them up” gave us much to discuss following the sermon. If anyone missed Sunday and is a parent, a grandparent, might be a parent someday or knows a parent, I highly recommend taking some time to listen to Robert’s encouragement and charge.

That’s what we did this last week, and, quite honestly, it was the beginning of a very encouraging and meaningful discussion.

As the RMGs continue to host our elders and other church leaders as guest teachers on the issues in marriage and relationships, people are being challenged to look at themselves and to examine their Biblical roles and responsibilities as well as their obedience to God.

Often – and especially as husbands and wives – we find it so easy to reach for the speck in the other person’s eye while walloping them in the head with plank protruding from our own.

I learned a while ago – after great patience on the part of my lovely wife – that our relationship was much healthier when I concentrated on what it is God is asking of me, not what it is He is asking of her.  She did not need a second “conscience” reminding her about the “dos” and “don’ts” of wifedom; she needed me to be more concerned about being a Godly husband.

And–here is the crazy part–once I started following God, she was quick to follow me! She felt safe and secure in His will – not because of me, but because I was following Him. What a great and simple plan! It’s so easy!

So, why do we find it to be so hard? Just take a look in the mirror and you will find the answer. I do every morning, and while it’s tough to swallow, I am what makes it so hard; my pride, my will, my want, my ideas, my plans, my desperately wicked heart.

Which is why our d-group discussion ended with the rest of Ephesians 5 versus 25 through 33 — the man’s role. [And, men, recognize that there were two verses for the ladies and that there are eight for us… four times as many! Even God agrees that we are thick headed. ]

And after reading those verses, we realized the bottom line is that we just have to be like Christ and sacrifice our will and our way. No big deal… and yes, that is tongue in cheek. But as soon as we stop being selfish and begin being Christ-like, there will a dramatic and even miraculous change in our homes.

For more great keys to a Biblical marriage and relationships, visit the RMG nearest you!!! You won’t regret it.

So what’s the big deal?

Technically, I’m not actually part of that family. I grew up in a completely different family as the fifth child out of eight children, but sexual and emotional abuse left me completely alone and in desperate need of love at 20-years-old. By God’s sovereignty, I met a girl who I would later come to know as my sister. Lindsey invited me to meet her family after I broke down at a Bible study. I was NOT a Christian at the time, and later a psychologist said that I had PTSD when I met that family (the Thompsons).

So there I was, another tragic statistic with no hope and no home. Then, the Thompsons asked me to live with them, completely RENT FREE. They gave me basic rules but expected nothing in return, which is great because I gave them absolutely nothing in return. The first year was extremely difficult for them. I cried all the time and made bitterly sarcastic comments. I’m sure they spent much of that first year on their knees, but when they were weary, God would give them a glimmer of hope. The Cobbs once sent them a message saying they noticed changes in me, and it was enough to keep them going.

Over time, I began to love them and they started to introduce me as their “adopted daughter,” but I was too wounded to call them my mom and dad. My husband—fiancé at the time—decided he would start calling them mom and dad so that I would feel more comfortable. It worked. God continually knit my heart to theirs as He worked powerfully in my life.

I’ve now been part of the Thompson family for nine years; I look at my youngest brother Grant, and he is more my brother than any blood brother ever was. In the eyes of my children, these are their grandparents and their aunts and uncles.

The journey into this family has given me a faith that I never doubt. I never wonder if God is real, because I look at my life and all that has happened and it’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to be where I am if there is no God. I look at their love for me as they endured living with me, and it reminds me of Christ carrying my sin on His cross. The love of the Thompson Family- my family- has changed more than just my life, but the lives of my children and my husband. Their love of Christ has created a fruitful legacy that will live on and bring glory to God.

So when I got home and realized that it never even occurred to me that I wasn’t technically part of the Thompson Family, I cried. I cried for joy as I praised God and thanked Him for parents who love Jesus so much that they loved me and made me part of their family. I see clearly the connection between earthly and heavenly adoption because of their example. I can only dream about being that kind of mom to my own little ones.

On Sunday, Chris spoke on Mark 3: 17 and talked about the zeal of the apostle James. Near the end of his sermon, Chris said that “we are all zealous, but are we zealous for the right thing?” I don’t consider myself especially fiery, so that question got me thinking: what does zeal look like in my life?

If I look at the list of my “favorites” above, I can get a glimpse of how to identify zeal in my life:

1.  It is where I spend my time. I look forward to spending time doing all of the things above. I sometimes plan my day around those passions. Do I excitedly anticipate time with Jesus?

2. I talk to others about them. If someone brings up a new recipe, I listen with rapt attention. I can readily discuss the Bears’ needs for the upcoming draft.  Do I search for opportunities to talk about Jesus?

3. I long for intimacy with my favorite people. It makes me sad whenever I only have time for a brief what’s-the-latest-news chat with a friend or family member instead of a real, heart-level conversation. Do I yearn for intimacy with Jesus?

At times, I could answer “yes” to all of the questions about Jesus. If I am being honest, though, I know that my zeal for my Savior doesn’t burn red-hot every second of every day… but I desperately want it to.

I can also point to times I know my zeal for Jesus was closer to a James-like level. I have felt it when I am presented with an opportunity to share the Gospel with someone who is hurting, and I have felt it when I experience the amazing truth of the Gospel in my life (Colossians 1:21-22). The truth of God’s only, perfect Son dying for the completely undeserving does something in my heart I can’t fully describe (Romans 15:13).

The other time I feel the most zeal is in times of suffering. This, I know, must sound crazy to anyone who doesn’t know Christ, but Christ’s faithfulness and work on my heart during the toughest times leaves me in awe of Him! (Psalm 94:17-19)

My prayer is that God continues to create in me a zealous heart, through any means necessary—whether that is sharing the Gospel, experiencing the Gospel, suffering or some other way. Do you pray for zeal?

A few years ago, a young, newly-married couple asked if I would help them with their budget.  As we sat down in their apartment, and before I even had a chance to look at their balance sheet and budget, the husband said that the biggest financial priority for him and his wife was to get out of debt.  My first thought was, how could a couple married only nine months–and both under the age of 24–accumulate debt to the extent that it was their biggest financial concern?

As I reviewed their financial snapshot, the origin of their problem became clear.  On their wedding day, these two began their lives together under the shared burden of a boatload of student loan and credit card debt.

Let me be very clear about something.  I am well aware of the cost of a college education today.  In most cases, where a student has been forced to obtain qualified loans to procure an undergraduate/graduate degree or vocational training certificate, borrowing is a legitimate means for meeting those expenses.  The rationale behind borrowing for any educational cost is the potential that the investment will increase the likelihood of getting a better job and also generate higher earnings over a lifetime.

So let’s examine our young couple a little more closely.  Remember, I said that the financial snapshot indicated student loans AND credit card debt.  The student loan payments were certainly a strain on this couple’s monthly budget, but the payoff for each of them was good jobs and potential for higher future earnings.  The credit card debt, however, didn’t bring the same value.

I asked each of them if they could identify assets for the nearly $10,000 of current credit card debt.  Both proudly produced bright new his-and-hers laptop computers and a top-end multi-functional copier/printer/fax machine.  The “amazingly” good deal they had received from the well-known retailer only a couple of months prior to our meeting got them out the door for about $2,800.  So I asked–what about the other $7,200?  That, they said, was the total amount of debt they brought into the marriage together.  Unfortunately, there was nothing to show for it.

They both admitted that the newly purchased computer hardware replaced their “ancient,” less than three-year-old laptops and printers.  The old ones had been given away to siblings and friends.  In a nutshell, my young friends owed $10,000 on assets worth $2,800 (in reality, the value of the computer hardware was likely less than $2,800, because of immediate depreciation upon purchase).

I must always remember that we don’t live in a vacuum, and there are many variables that must be considered when evaluating anyone’s personal financial situation.  Nevertheless, there is a lesson in this example.

I asked them if the old laptops could have serviced their needs for another year or two, and they both agreed they could have [Note: these were personal computers and not used for business purposes].

Next, I asked the interest rate and amount of the monthly payment they were making on the credit card they used to purchase the computers.  They indicated that the minimum payment at a rate of 18% was $70, but they were making payments of $100.  I showed them that even if they continued to make payments of $100 they wouldn’t pay off the balance until the 37^th month, while at the same time adding about $850 in interest to the original cost of the items.

Obviously there was nothing they could do to turn back the clock–they were obligated to meet the terms of the loan.  For future reference, I asked them to consider a better financial solution.  What if they had continued to use their older hardware for at least a year (I’m over 60–I admit to being a little slower than I used to be, but I still work reasonably well) and saved the same amount they were now paying toward the credit card balance each month?  At the end of the first year they would have accumulated $1,200.  That would have been more than enough to purchase at least one new laptop (I have purchased several laptop and desktop computers over the past twenty years, so I have some idea of values.  It’s also worth noting that computer hardware is one commodity that has consistently gone down in price from year to year—so by waiting a year, they were almost guaranteed to receive a better value.)

Stewards of God’s wealth must be discerning when they borrow.  Scripture does not ban borrowing (or lending, for that matter).  Unfortunately, in our culture there are too many cases where “the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions” become our motivation to borrow in a manner that may gratify the flesh, but are not pleasing to God.

Is this where you heart is focused?  “Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:1-2).